Last night in class, we discussed whether or not we really want to know God and be in His presence. And of course, we aall said that we do. But just as our professor asked us last night: do you really?
I was definately challenged last night. I was faced with a tough question. Now don't think I'm being anti-Christ or anti-God, but I'm not sure I want to "know" God?
I have to be honest the thought of knowing God is great, but I struggle with the strength and determination to do what it takes to know Him and stay in His presence. None of the things required to seek and know Him are difficult, but when it comes down to putting my faith into actions, well that gets hard.
Far too often I want God plus ____________. (fill in the blank). I am a fearful person when faced with humbly coming to Him for help. I am proud in that regard. And as it says, God opposes the proud. Maybe that is why so many of us (me included) are weak and feeble in our walk?! He is opposing us. He just wants us to rely on Him and allow Him to do what we cannot. We simply need God. Not God and _________. We just need to tell Him we are afraid and ask for help. He says all through scripture that He is willing and able to help us. We simply have to rest in Him. That's when true "knowing" God occurs.
It is in these "knowing" times that we experience His grace, mercy, and power to overcome. We understand what it means to live by the Spirit. We are filled with the power from His Word, and we grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus the Messiah. But still I fear. But still I hold back. But...and on and on I go.
I'm certainly hope that I am not the only one to feel this way. And maybe by writing it down here, others will be encouraged to press on. If you struggle, you are not alone. Just let me know, maybe we can figure out how to walk better together.